Zimsterne (German Cinnamon Star Cookies)

Its Christmas!

Ok so its not. In fact it was about 3 weeks ago now (3 weeks?? How depressing).  Its snowing outside though and Le Pose announced this morning that snow meant it was Christmas, basically because every Christmas song talks about it snowing... She now believes that they are linked and I can't bring myself to burst her little bubble.  Its meant to snow again tonight and I'm praying it does.  Snow. Day. Please.

What does this all mean?  Well, in a convoluted way it means I can still post about my Christmas baking. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Whilst I love the idea of giving homemade goods for Christmas (I once spent a week making truffles for all my co-workers) I still don't really get the whole cookie plate thing.  I do get cookies though.  I bloody love cookies.  My longest running cookie memories are the German spiced Christmas cookies which mum used to always buy from Waitrose, every single year, the minute they hit the shelves.  My family go through bags of them.  It seems though that we were the sole consumer of the cookies and they stopped selling them.  Bastards.  This year I decided that they couldn't be that hard so I figured I'd make some for Christmas Day.  So I did.

I did my usual research on the t'interweb and settled on this recipe because of the great reviews. 

The recipe - Zimsterne (slightly adapted from Food.com)

For the dough:

300g ground almonds

100g caster sugar, sifted

50g plain flour

2tsp cinnamon

2 egg whites

For the icing:

Icing Sugar

Water

1. In a bowl mix dry ingredients for dough.

2. Add egg whites and knead until a still sticky dough is formed.

3. Wrap in cling film and put into the fridge for at least one hour.  I left it in the fridge a good 3hrs mainly because I was trying to get other Christmas bits done!

4. Near the end of cooling time preaheat oven (170 C).

5. Line 2 baking trays with parchment paper.

6. Get the dough out of the fridge and roll it out between two layers of parchment paper or cling film. The dough should be a bout 1 cm thick.

7. Using a star cutter (mine was inherited from my ma!) cut out the stars and place them on the baking tray.

8. Bake the cookies for about 10 - 12 minutes until they go golden brown (but not texture like sun -ha!).

9. Take them out and let cool completely.

10.  While they are cooling mix up the icing as instructed on the packet.  Holding the star by the edge, dip the star flat side down into the icing and give it a wiggle (yes, that's a technical term in Kitchen Lucy).  Repeat for each cookie and allow to dry on a wire rack.

How easy is that??  They keep for a while in an airtight container apparently (and actually taste better and better the more they "age" - aged cookies, now there's a gimmick!), not that Pose let them last that long.  Even when I was making them I kept going into the kitchen to find cookies missing from the cooling rack.  To say she loved these cookies would be a gross understatement.  She's been begging me to make more since!  My little sister took one bite and said they tasted like the cookies mum used to buy.  I hadn't discussed the background to making the cookies so I took that as an almighty thumbs up.

Just one point to note - The actual recipe provides for a meringue glaze instead of the icing but I'm not going to lie, the-OCD-hate-to-throw-anything-away-nutjob-in-me couldn't bear to waste 3 egg yolks.  Plus the reviews generally criticised the meringue glaze so I figured I could do without.  I may try it next time though.

Citrus Night, Holy Fizz

IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!



I love Christmas.  It really is my favourite time of the year.  I love the Christmas tree (I strung popcorn this year, it looks pretty cool), I love the giving and everyone's friendly to one another (unless you're reaching for the last "Princess Charm School" Barbie in Toys R Us that I happen to also be reaching for at exactly the same time then I'm sorry, its handbags at dawn, shoulders down, get out of my way, you are not my friend b***h.  Hell, I promised!).  Most importantly, Le Pose is now 3 and is at the age where she is able to enjoy the innocence and magic of Christmas.  Tonight, for example, is Christmas Eve so we happily sprinkled magic reindeer dust on the patio (I've no idea what that is or how it ended up in my house), put the "Welcome Santa" sign out in the garden and then wrote Santa a welcome note and put the special Christmas Cookies (I have been baking 3 days straight....), milk and carrot out for Santa and his reindeer*.  She is so excited she wouldn't sleep and finally fell asleep somewhere around 10pm.  I remember that excitement and I love seeing her begin to experience it.

Of course as soon as she was in bed we began our own Christmas cheer.

Of course I mean booze.

One of the cookie recipe's (this one) required the zest of 2 lemons and an orange and so I had 3 naked citrus fruits being offensive in the kitchen.  Something had to be done....

So I made a cocktail.

The recipe - Citrus Night, Holy Fizz (by ME!)

Juice of 2 medium sized lemons

Juice of 1 medium sized orange

3/4 cup caster sugar

1 tsp mixed spice (I use my own mix which you can find the recipe for here)

Sparkling wine (prosecco or cava is fine)

1. Put everything (not the fizz) into a sauce pan and place over a medium heat until the sugar dissolves (keep stirring).  Keep the mixture bubbling (simmering) for between 5-10 minutes.  Pour into a heatproof dish to cool.

2. Once cool, put about a teaspoon of the syrup (which should have thickened nicely by now) into the bottom of a wine glass/champagne flute (I didn't want to use my crystal champagne flutes - I randomly don't have any others! - so used a wine glass) and top up with fizz.  Give it a bit of a stir and drink!

Nicely aromatic and fizzy, its a great little change to our usual Christmas Mimosa and yes, this one's all out of my own little head.

xx Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night! xx

*She has also learned all about the nativity at nursery and we have also been talking about the important baby born at Christmas.

Mini-Vicki-Union-Jackies

I wouldn't say I'm usually a massive monarchist but the Diamond Jubilee unearthed my patriotic side.  I think its got something to do with Pose - I want her to understand and be proud of her heritage so I was trying to explain to her about her country and our Queen.  I think she understood and by the end of the Jubilee weekend she was chanting God Save the Queen and asking me to sing the national anthem on repeat.  It was super cute.

Anyway, on the Friday before the big Jubilee weekend my team and I decided to have a little Jubilee afternoon tea and of course I wanted to make cakes of some description.  Now what cake to make?  What cake indeed?!  It would have to be a traditional Victoria sponge, and who better to look to for a recipe fit for a queen?  The queen of cakes of course, Mary Berry!  I have to say I was dubious about how good she is until I tried this cake and W-O-W.  That woman seriously knows her stuff.  Of course I had to put my own stamp on it...

The recipe - Mini-Vicki-Union-Jackies (adapted from the great Mary Berry's recipe)

For the sponge:

225 g (8 oz) softened butter

225 g (8 oz) caster sugar
4 large eggs
225 g (8 oz) self-raising flour
2 level tsp baking powder

For the filling:

300ml whipping cream

200g fresh strawberries

For the decoration:

Ready-to-roll white icing

Red food colouring

Blue food colouring

Strawberry jam for "glue" 

Icing sugar for dusting

Makes 9 Mini-Vicki-Sponges and 12 Cupcake-Vicki-Sponges (see next post)

1. Pre-heat the oven to 180°C/Fan 160°C/gas 4. Grease the tins.  

A baking shop has opened near my office (a baking shop? huzzah! yet more ways to spend when I should be saving....), I bought this little muffin pan especially for this recipe.  Its a silicon tray.  My first.  That's right, I just popped my silicon cherry for the queen.

Anyway, I love it and its perfect for little bite-size cakes!

2. Measure the butter, sugar, eggs, flour and baking powder into a large bowl and beat until thoroughly blended. Fill the mini-muffin tray about 2/3 full and then divide the remaining mixture evenly between the 12 hole cupcake tin and level out.

3. Bake in the pre-heated oven for about 25 minutes or until well risen and the tops of the cakes spring back when lightly pressed with a finger. Leave to cool in the tins for a few minutes then turn out and finish cooling on a wire rack.

4.  While the cakes are cooling (they're little so this is pretty quick) make the filling.  Take the strawberries and roughly cut them up, then mash them with a fork.  You are not aiming for mush though, you are aiming for a crush!  Whip the cream till thick and holds its shape.

When the cakes are completely cold, you can start decorating.

5. Cut the cakes in half horizontally; dollop some crushed strawberries onto the bottom layer; dollop whipped cream on top of the crushed strawberries; carefully place the top layer onto the cream and press carefully down.

6. Dust the work surface with icing sugar and roll out some of the ready-to-roll icing and taking a cookie cutter or anything you can find - I used a fluted cookie cutter donated by mother - and cut out a circle for each cake.

7. Spread a thin layer of jam onto the top of the cake and carefully place an icing circle on top.  Smooth over with flat fingers to ensure it is stuck down.

8. Put a couple of drops of red food colouring into a dish and add a little icing sugar to it (to thicken it).  Using a CLEAN thin paintbrush, paint a cross and four diagonal lines onto the icing.  Taking a separate dish, put a couple of drops of blue food colouring in and add a little icing sugar to it.  Paint blue triangles in the spaces between the red diagonal lines (make sense??? Look at the pics....)

TA DAAAAAAA!

I really loved these little cakes.  I was SO SO SOOOOO proud of them.  The cake was super tasty (Mary Berry really knows her stuff), the icing wasn't overwhelming, the filling yummy and they looked freaking awesome!  A perfect little cake for our little Jubilee afternoon tea.

I'll leave you on tenterhooks to see what I did with the Cupcake-Vicki-Sponges....in the meantime you can consider what on earth a "tenterhook" is!?

Lemon Meringue Cupcakes

My friend M is pregnant and has so far had to endure horrible extreme morning sickness and its really taken its toll on her.  She arrived into the 2nd trimester and the sickness had finally subsided only for her to be diagnosed with SPD (sounds like something gross right?  Wrong!  Now get your mind out of the gutter).  So having gotten out of the sickness woods she's now in the pond of pain instead.  Being the wonderful, caring, sharing sort of gal' I am (and modest, totally totally modest) I suggested I came over to her house for our girls to have a play date and for me to let her put her feet up for a couple of hours and of course bring some baked goodies.  So since I keep telling everyone that I'm more than happy to take requests, having seen the posts on making Lemon Meringue Pie she asked if I could make her a Lemon Meringue Pie.  I said I'd see what I could do.

This did not fit with my whole "new recipes" concept.

Like I've said before, I'm not a huge fan of Lemon Meringue Pie.  I am, however, a fan of cupcakes and I'm aware I've not made any cupcakes yet for the blog (or even in the last few years).  I got to thinking.  Why not make a filled cupcake and use the meringue topping as the "icing"?  Yes, I know.  Not exactly controversial and certainly not new judging by my google recipe trawl, but given I haven't tried making cupcakes in a while it was certainly a bit of a gamble.

I am no good at gambling.  I get too excited if I start winning and then start placing stupid bets.  Like over Christmas.  We rented a house in Mystic, CT (absolutely gorgeous - I'd certainly recommend!) for a little reunion with a couple of my hubby's old college buddies and our respective broods and drank, gossipped and played poker once the kiddos were all tucked up in bed.  The second night I, the rookie loud mouth, somehow pulled a full house out of my **** and took most of the chips.  20 mins later I had somehow lost all my chips and was peeved I hadn't pulled another amazing hand out of the ether since I was now clearly the greatest poker player on Earth.

Anyway, massive digression.  Point is this time my gamble paid off.

The recipe - Lemon Meringue Cupcakes (adapted from a post on the Nigella Lawson website)

For the cupcake: 

215g self-raising flour 

60g caster sugar 

1 egg 

1 egg yolk 

1 pinch of salt

1/2 cup milk 

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 

90g butter, melted and cooled 

3 tablespoons lemon curd

For the meringue topping: 

2 egg whites 

125g caster sugar 

Makes 12 cupcakes 

1. Preheat the oven to 200C or gas mark 6 and place 12 cupcake cases in the holes of a 12-hole cupcake pan.

2. Melt the butter.

Oooh, melty melty

3. Sift the flour into a mixing bowl and stir in the sugar. Make a well in the middle of the sugar/flour mix. 

4. In separate bowl add the whole egg, egg yolk and a pinch of salt and beat together. Then stir in the milk, vanilla and melted butter (I note that the recipe I used as my base said "add milk" but didn't actually say how much milk to add. After having a momentary melt-down I had a quick trawl on the net and came to the conclusion of adding a 1/2 cup which I list above in the ingredients). 

5. Pour the egg mixture into the well in the flour mixture and mix on a low speed until well combined. Divide the mixture into the cases and bake for 15 minutes.

Yes I admit it.  I betrayed Berta and used Mummy-Dearest's dinosaur-yet-still-brilliant-30-year-old Kenwood.

6. Remove the cupcakes from the oven (but leave the oven on) and let the cupcakes cool for a few minutes. Do not take them out of the tray though! Using a small sharp knife (like a pairing knife) cut a hole out of the middle of each cupcake - about an inch deep (there is no further use for the cuttings so by all means have a bit of snackage action).

         

7. Using a teaspoon fill each hole with the lemon curd. 

8. (Having obviously washed out the mixing bowl for the mixer - be careful to make sure the soap is all washed out of the bowl and the bowl is dry as these can affect the meringue) Using the whisk adaptor for the mixer, beat the egg whites until they are light and frothy. Gradually add the sugar, whisking well after each addition until the mixture is stiff and glossy. 

9. Spoon the egg whites into a piping bag and using a fairly wide nozzle carefully pipe the egg white in a spiral, starting at the edge and ending in the centre with a nice peak. Put the cupcakes back in the oven for 5 minutes, until the meringue is golden.

Ok, I've not used a piping bag in a couple of years so forgive me for not being  "perfect"!

10.   Serve!

These are super yummy, especially fresh from the oven.  The cupcakes are really tasty and light - given Posie's usual cake-aversion she managed to get her hands on the "holes" and ate them all!  As bad as it may sound I was so happy she enjoyed them I didn't mind (plus she was helped out by Grandad).  They went very quickly and I only had 2 left to take into the office.  I felt rather miserly but at the same time I'm always eager to get external opinions on what I've baked so figured I'd let them duke it out over the last 2.  

The only irritation is that my mother's oven doesn't work properly and bakes a little too hot so it made the peaks of my meringue slightly cajun...

HOT cross buns, HOT cross buns, one a penny two a penny, HOT cross buns

So firstly, apologies galore.  I've not blogged in the last 2 weeks but that does not mean I haven't been busy in the kitchen.  I have.  But we went away for an Easter break so I have also been enjoying the cakey-bakey goodies that Paris has to offer.  In fact I rather overindulged in cheese, wine and patisserie!  We stayed in an apartment right on the edge of the 1st and 2nd Arrondissement that was literally a stone's throw from a market street filled with ice cream parlours, bakeries, butchers, wine shops, flower shops, bistros....it was an amazing location.  I'm hoping to take some inspiration from the trip so watch this space.

Saying that though.  Easter isn't complete without Hot Cross Buns, and whilst the Parisians lulled me into a food coma they didn't do Hot Cross Buns.  I however do!

I have a recipe folder filled with a ton of recipes that I have never tried.  I tear them out of magazines and file them away, never to attempt.  In fact one of the reasons I started writing the blog was to actually start making these recipes.  With the lead up to Easter the supermarkets, bakers and my mum start stocking up on the Hot Cross Buns.  I've spent a couple of weekends at the folks recently and have been loving toasted, butter smothered Hot Cross Buns for brekkie.  So, given my recent bread/dough successes I felt confident enough to give the Hot Cross Bun recipes a go.

I'm pretty certain this recipe is a Delia and certainly is seems pretty similar to the one listed on her website.

Now for this recipe I didn't have any mixed spice to hand but I did have a variety of spices in my spice/herb drawer so I searched around on t'net and made the mixed spice myself.

To make the mixed spice:
2 tbs ground cinnamon
2 tsp ground coriander
2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp ground cloves

I didn't have ground cloves but had whole cloves so I started by grinding them in my trusty pestle and mortar.  Then I dumped everything else in and gave it all a good grind (wow, that sounds rather sordid.  Oh well).

Mixed Spice 

I made the recipe pretty much as directed except (as usual, I can't just stick to a recipe!) I didn't have any mixed peel and in all honesty I'm not a massive fan of my Hot Cross Bun being citrus-ey tasting.  

Ooh, frothy!

Here's a handy tip for working out what "hand-hot water is" (I mean, its not exactly a scientific statement is it??  What is lukewarm to me is hot to my little one!)  Anyway, go by this method - 1 part boiling water to 2 parts cold water.  Bosh - hand-hot water.

They smelled amazing when they were cooking.  Filled the whole house with a bready, spicy aroma.  Better than a Yankee Candle!

As you can see I didn't make the white crosses - I simply didn't have time to make shortcrust pastry as the recipe suggests. However, on the Delia website she suggests making the white crosses using "a flour and water paste made with 4 oz (110 g) plain flour and approximately 3 tablespoons water. Roll out thinly and divide into small strips, dampening them to seal" so I'd try that next time. Much simpler!

The best BEST way to serve them is cut in half, toasted and smothered in butter.  Bloody gorgeous!

I took them into work and they went down a treat.  One colleague ate 2...a second ate 3...he claimed he was doing me a favour.  Personally these are the best thing I've made yet.  I had one for breakfast all week and every time I opened the tub I got a waft of spicy goodness.  Yummers.

...and whey (finally)

And so, the final piece of the LMP puzzle....the meringue!*

The recipe - LMP courtesy of the New York Times Cook Book (1961 edition!)

Part 2, the meringue

3 egg whites

1/4 tsp cream of tartar

6 tbsp sugar (I used caster sugar)

1. Beat the egg whites until light and frothy.  Add the cream of tartar and continue beating until the whites are stiff enough to hold a peak (I used my mother's Kenwood to bear the brunt of this work.  I have made meringue before whisking by hand but its pretty bloody knackering!).

2. Gradually beat in the sugar and beat until the meringue is stiff and glossy (yes, I did the holding-the-bowl-upside-down-over-my-head test.  I always do.  It makes me feel like a superior baker (and no the whites did not fall on my head or out of the bowl although I'm sure that I will one of these days my cockiness will leave me literally with egg on my face).

3. Pile the meringue lightly on cooled pie filling, spreading it until it touches the edges of the pastry to prevent the meringue shrinking.

Yes, the iPhone was resurrected.  Huzzah!

4. Bake in a preheated hot oven (425F) until the top is brown, five to six minutes.

You might notice there is one meringue-free tart on the bottom right of the first picture.  While I was finishing off the LMPs, Nan cruised into the kitchen to watch me bake (and comment) and requested that I leave one of the tarts without any meringue.  I dutifully agreed as any good granddaughter should and continued to finish off the LMPs.  When we sat down to eat Nan then took one of the regular LMPs and claimed she had never put in such a request...

* I do apologise for the delay, it was not intended.  I had to go to a client event one night, overdid it that night so had to put myself to bed early the following night then had a friend's birthday party (which also involved me having to scale an iron poker fence....in heels....because I couldn't get out of the station.  In my mind walking the 10 minutes it would have taken to get to my car seemed too much like hard work but shimmying over the fence was fine?!?) and so finally here we are.  You really wanted to know that didn't you?

Oh, what's occurring??

So, I had made little scones for the afternoon tea.  What next?  Well, my mother loves Welsh Cakes and my nan is Welsh (shhhhh, don't tell anyone....)* so I decided to make Welsh Cakes...bitesize of course.

I looked in my recipe books and didn't have any recipes for Welsh Cakes so I went online.  I found a couple of recipes but a lot were from US websites and were far too OTT (spices, zests...wooah there Nelly!  This is meant to be a simple recipe!).  I got caught between a James Martin recipe on the BBC Food website and the recipe I went with below (I figured it was from the people who make the flour to go into the cakes so they should know what they're doing!).  The recipe is in italics.

The recipe - Welsh Cakes courtesy of McDougalls

225g McDougalls Self Raising Flour (I did not use McDougalls, I used whatever was in my flour jar)

Pinch salt
100g unsalted butter
50g caster sugar
50g currants
1 medium egg
2 tbsp milk

Like the scones, I made these by hand as they mixed better than with Berta.

1. Sift the flour and salt into a large bowl.

2. Rub in the butter (now I may have run out of butter so I may have substituted 20g of butter with 20g shortening, but I couldn't possibly say) until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs (literally pick the mix up in between your hands and rub your hands together).

3. Stir in the sugar and currants.

4. Make a well in the centre of the flour mixture and add egg and milk.

5. Using a palette knife, bring ingredients together to form a stiff dough.

6. Flour work surface and roll dough out to about 5mm in thickness. Using a fluted cutter, cut into rounds, re-rolling the trimmings (again, I don't have any cutters - actually NOW I do since my MiL sent us some Easter cutters, but I didn't on Monday - so out came my trusty shot glass).

7. Cook on a moderately hot, lightly greased griddle or heavy, flat bottomed frying pan for about 3-4 minutes each side until golden (I baked mine on a tray at 200C for about 5 mins as I had further plans for my little Welsh Cakes).

8. Once ready I took 8 of the Welsh Cakes, sprinkled them with caster sugar, put them in an airtight container and then put them in the freezer.  As with the scones, I decided to freeze them in advance of the weekend to keep them fresh.  I let the remaining Welsh Cakes cool a little but whilst still warm, I sprinkled them with caster sugar (I figured the heat would help the sugar stick to them) and popped them in an airtight container.

9. What about the other 8 then?  Well I let them defrost overnight again and then right before serving on Mother's Day I spread butter all over a frying pan and cooked them for a couple of minutes on either side.  I then sprinkled MORE sugar all over them and served.

Both hubster and my little one enjoyed the Welsh Cakes - she announced "mmm tastes good" and renamed them "sparkly cookies". I also took quite a few into the office, together with a tub of clotted cream.  Given there are only 7 people in my team, 1 was out and another is on a diet, the Welsh Cakes (with assistance from the cream) disappeared pretty quickly.  Much to my personal satisfaction!

Unfortunately I forgot to take a picture of the individual finished Welsh Cakes but you will see a picture soon...

* My nan is Welsh but moved to England with her family when she was around 10yrs old.  She doesn't have an accent but you can tell she's Welsh - she's always singing or crying (or both).  Strangely enough though, her older brother (who moved to England at the same time) maintained a Welsh accent until he passed away.  I never understood that.

I'm just banana's about my Kitchenaid

When we first moved back from the good ole USofA back in '07 we paid an exorbitant sum of money to have the contents of our very tiny 1 bedroom apartment shipped to the sunny climes of Leyton in East London*.  It took forever and we slept on a blow up double for about 2 months but finally the day came that they delivered all our junk.  We unpacked the boxes and Mister set about getting the desktop PC up and running.  I believe he used a step-down (well, I hope, but am pretty certain) but all I recall was hearing a bang and running into the spare room to see smoke pouring out of the vent in the PC.  Not a good start.  Now, you would have thought that we would have learned from this first experience (I mean, as a human you're meant to learn from your mistakes right?), but not us.  For some reason (although I do believe that this one was the hubster's fault) the Dyson was then plugged in.  Yet another pop, no smoke, but dead Dyson.  In one fell swoop we had managed to kill 2 of our most expensive appliances.  Then we learned. My most prized posession was the black Kitchenaid my mother-in-law kindly bought me and there was no way in hell I was going to risk my Kitchenaid.  

So poor Kitchenaid (I should really give it a name, perhaps Berta) sat lonely in its box for nearly 5yrs.  Then last week I was having a chat with a colleague who was talking about the Kitchenaid she had bought her husband.  I was supremely jealous.  She encouraged me to look into getting an adapter she had seen on Amazon and to take the plunge and bring Berta (yes, I like Berta) out of her box.  By the middle of the week I was asking my Daddy-o for specific advice on voltage and wattage and step downs (oh my!).  Yes, this is where I reveal that my father is a sparky (well, he can't fix your telly but he can do a blinding plan of your electrical schematics for an off-shore living platform....).  I'm not sure why I hadn't properly discussed it with him before but I finally asked him about the Kitchenaid/converter situation.  After many texts, most of which I really didn't understand, he advised that Berta should survive with my step-down.  

Wicked.

Now, following my Gluten Free Banana Bread post I had promised another colleague, a gluten intolerant (that doesn't sound right does it?  makes it sound like she's personally "anti-gluten" not that she has a genuine medical issue), that I would bake my Banana Bread and bring it into the next meeting.  This morning we had a meeting...

Ok, I know this isn't a "new" recipe but I amended it (read: improved!) and added a new component.  Firstly, I pulled Berta out of her box and with great trepidation plugged the step-down in, then plugged Berta into the step-down.  I switched on the step-down.  Holding my breath I moved the lever to "stir".  Berta worked.  No smoke.  No bang.  Just purring motor.

I kissed my Kitchenaid.

I was back in business and in a great mood.  I set about making the recipe as previously posted but with these tweaks:

Firstly I was making normal muffins (not mini muffins) - the mix makes around 12 large muffins or 18  smaller muffins.  I also used spotty muffin cases.

Secondly, tweaks to the basic recipe:

90g caster sugar (instead of 110g)

4 large ripe bananas (instead of 3)

1 tsp of baking soda (in addition and added at the same time as the other dry ingredients)

Thirdly, streusel topping (gluten free!):

75g soft brown sugar

70g granulated sugar

85g rice flour

3/4 tsp ground nutmeg

60g unsalted butter, cut into small cubes

To make the streusel topping, mix the sugars, flour and nutmeg together.  Add the butter cubes and rub the mix together using your hands until it becomes the consistency of bread crumbs.  

Spoon the topping (about a tsp per muffin) onto the muffins and press gently onto the surface of the muffins (the streusel recipe makes quite a lot so I had a fair amount left over).  Then pop the trays into the oven and bake for around 35mins (just keep an eye on them).  Cool on a wire rack.

I took the muffins into work and they went down very well with my colleagues (in fact several people had more than one and all 18 were gone).  My favourite response was "that's good sh*t".  Job done.

But.  What sort of mother (or wife) would I be if I baked something I know my daughter loves and then didn't let her have anything??  And since I had my dear Berta back in my life and was very much enjoying using her...I of course baked another batch.  Again, slight differences catering for the particular audience:

Firstly, I made a loaf since hubster prefers it like this (so he can spread butter all over it and then fry it...) so you will need to lightly butter the loaf tin.

Secondly, although I used the same tweaks to the basic recipe above I also replaced the 50g cornflour with 50g ground oats (I blitzed them in a little blender).

So basically mix the recipe as usual and pour into a loaf tin (preferably bigger than mine - I was a little lazy and should have either split the mix between 2 loaf tins or poured it into my larger glass loaf dish but meh, not the end of the world).

Spoon on the streusel topping (like I said, I had a lot left over, and still had some left over after topping the loaf and have put it into the freezer to see how well it freezes) and gently press into the batter.

Bake for about an hour.

Leave in the tin to cool until the tin is cool enough to handle, slide a knife around the edge then ease the loaf out of the pan.  Put the loaf on a wire rack to cool.

Mange mange mange!!

I love how I said to the hubby I was just going upstairs to write a short blog post.  Yep, real short.

*Incidently I stuck it out for 6 months in a flat that's main architectural features were a hole in the ceiling in the bathroom and 2 beautiful patches of mould in the spare bedroom and the living room.  Following a stabbing on the high street I had had enough and begged hubster to move back to my roots in Highgate. 

"You gotta plan these things. Even if it's just a post it on your desk at work when you should be doing something else. Some people doodle when they are dodging work, I apparently draw penis cakes"

Before I even begin, firstly I apologise for failing in my task of blogging each week and not posting last week.  I was afflicted with a plague!!  Well not quite that dramatic but I got the flu and wasn't a well bunny.  I did bake albeit in a hazy, flu induced state and following that promptly went to bed for a week.  Secondly, I have to forewarn you that this post features the word "penis" and penis shaped objects.  'Rents and in laws, I sincerely apologise if this causes any offence...

I also apologise about the photos in this post (a) there are A LOT; and (b) blogger seems to be taking editorial decisions for me and uploaded several the wrong way round.  Oh well.

My lovely friend, the Ginger Ninja, was turning 30 and for her surprise party our friend M and I decided wouldn't it be nice if we baked her a birthday cake...in the shape of a penis...with ginger pubes.  I know I know, we are truly caring sharing sorta gals.  We discussed, at some length, whether to use a penis shaped cake pan or whether to carve a cake into shape and how to create the ginger pubes - I was all about trying to spin sugar and was really looking forward to having a bash at it.  I had been ridiculously excited about attempting this cake for weeks. 

Anyone would think my friends and I have a some sort of penis obsession.  For another friend's wedding we decided that the hen party wouldn't be complete without a penis piñata, so one of the other bridesmaids painstakingly constructed a colourful penis piñata.  The first attempt didn't work.  The balloons she had used to do the paper mache started losing air so the whole pinata became...ahem...flaccid.  Of course we found this hysterical and many many (many) jokes followed on a pretty common theme.  The second one came out awesome although the hens got a little too carried away whacking it.

ANYWAY, I know, I'm so far off track here....

Finally the cake baking week came and unfortunately poor M was unwell so I threw myself into the task with great gusto.  After much um-ing and ah-ing I decided to make 3 cakes - 2 round and 1 oblong which I would then trim as necessary.  I had considered making 1 big sheet cake and then cutting that down but couldn't bear the thought of throwing so much cake away.

Seriously.  I planned it on a post-it.

Seriously.  I planned it on a post-it.

So, I left work that night announcing to all that I needed to leave on time because I had to go home and bake a penis cake.

Having researched a couple of recipes I settled on a basic sponge recipe I found on the BBC's Good Food website.  I have to admit that I settled on this recipe because when I   looked in the fridge I realised I had forgotten to buy more eggs and didn't have much baking powder left.  I was conscious that the recipe for 1 cake probably wouldn't be big enough, so having 5 eggs at my disposal I recalculated the recipe (the recipe called for 3 eggs, so I divided each ingredient quantity in the original recipe by 3 then multiplied the result by 5 - very scientific - I am very smart - Stephen Hawking cowers in my presence).  I have set out the amended recipe below but also provided a link to the original recipe.  To be honest, because of what I was attempting to create, other than the basic cake ingredients and the oven temperature the recipe instructions are all from my very "special" brain.  I have included plenty of construction pics though since my brain doesn't quite know how to explain itself sometimes.  Case in point - I was explaining to 2 colleagues the other day what my wedding dress looked like (very pretty) and managed to make it sound more like something from "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding".

The recipe - Penis Cake! (with thanks for the recipe from BBC's Good Food website)

For the cake:

292g unsalted butter, softened

292g caster sugar

1⅔ tsp baking powder

2½ tsp vanilla extract (I actually make my own vanilla extract, its easy peasy)

5 eggs
292g self-raising flour
2 tsp red food colouring 

For the filling:
Seedless raspberry jam
Vanilla frosting (I cheated and used Betty Crocker Vanilla Frosting)

For the icing:
500g fondant icing
9 drops of pink food colouring
Tube of white writing icing

You will also need:
1 x 8in/1.5qt glass loaf dish
1 x 1qt glass bowl (if you have 2, even better)
6x1in wide long pieces of baking parchment
1x8in wide long piece of baking parchment

1. Heat the oven to 180C/fan 160C/gas 4.  Butter the loaf dish and bowl, line the bowl with 3 of the 1in wide pieces of baking parchment (you may need a little extra butter where the paper overlaps) and line the loaf dish with the with the larger piece of baking parchment:

2. Beat all the cake ingredients together in a large bowl (if possible one with measurements on it) until smooth.  Unfortunately I didn't soften my butter enough (read: at all) so my batter was a little lumpy.  Given what I was making, it did kinda give me the "ew" factor.  Pour 1/3 of the batter into each dish and level out. 

3. Bake for about 50 mins-1 hr until they are well risen and spring back when lightly pressed (or do the skewer test). Leave to cool for 5 minutes then turn out onto a rack (you may need to run a knife around the edge but the paper should help you pull the cakes out of the dishes) and peel away the paper.  

I agree, it looks pretty gross.

4. Butter and line the bowl with the 3 remaining pieces of baking parchment (you may need to wash the bowl to remove any crumbs first) pour in the last of the batter and repeat step 3.  

5. Once cooled, put the 3 cakes onto a large board and get ready for carving.  

6. Start by cutting a 1/4 out of each bowl cake (can I really use the real term??) and set aside.

Pac-man had never felt so ashamed (or exposed)

7. Arrange the bowls at the base of the oblong cake (I just can't bring myself to say it...).  You may need to carve a straight edge on each bowl to make sure they sit well together.  Then take the 2 cut-out quarters and arrange at the top of the oblong cake.

8. Now to get to shaping...flatten off the base of the "tips" so they sit flat on the board then do the same for the bowls. Next round off the top of each bowl and plug the space where the quarters were removed using the off-cuts.

9. Next onto filling.  Cut each piece in half so you can create a sandwich.  Brush off any crumbs (I used a pastry brush) and position the bottom layer on the serving dish/board.  Spread a layer of the frosting all over each piece.

Its got white stuff in it...heeheehee!

10. Carefully take each top piece, spread it with jam and layer it onto its corresponding bottom layer.  Its best to start with the oblong cake and build around it.  Again, brush off any crumbs and spread a very thin layer of jam over the top of the cake and let the jam set.

11. Now here comes the decorating part.  In my head I had firmly decided I would use rolled icing and was extremely confident I could do it.  My confidence wasn't completely unfounded though.  My mum is a very talented cake decorator and as I grew up she was often making wedding cakes and celebration cakes for various friends and family.  Most recently she made my bubba's 1st birthday cake (a duck pond complete with ducks) but she also made my wedding cake.  

This pic really doesn't do it enough justice.
It looked like a pile of wedding presents.

As I got older I often helped my ma with the cake decorating including wedding cakes and her cousin's 40th birthday cake - the infamous "boobs in a bra cake", which were scarily realistic (and you wonder why I felt so comfortable making the penis cake!? Who's feeling foolish now, huh?)  Point is I thought that mixing some pink icing to roll out and cover the cake would be a piece of cake (oooh, do you see what I did there?).  I was wrong.  The icing finally came into a ball and was a good looking colour, however the rolling was a different matter entirely.  Every time I rolled it out some part of the icing stuck firmly to the board and then completely tore when I tried to remove it (and yes, I did put a lot of icing down before I started rolling).  After several attempts, a LOT of swearing, a bit of crying and a teensy tantrum I ended up chucking the icing in the bin.  It just wasn't working.  Thankfully some foresight had made me buy 2 boxes of icing so after some urging by my ever-frustrated counterpart I decided to make spreadable/pourable fondant icing.  Simply follow the instructions on the packet and add the pink colouring (again look at the bottle for guidance), then carefully spoon the icing over the cake.  It should (although you may need to do a bit of coaxing) gently slide over the cake, covering it.  Patch up any exposed bits of cake with extra icing.

Amazingly the fondant clings to the cake really nicely giving it a a scarily realistic look!

Amazingly the fondant clings to the cake really nicely giving it a
a scarily realistic look!

12.  Clean the plate of any stray icing.  Take the white writing icing and, starting at the tip, write your greeting (unfortunately mine looks like I let my little-one do this for me and I was pretty disappointed with the writing) and you're done.

  

TA DAAAAAA - PENIS CAKE!

Unfortunately by the time I was done the flu had taken over and I was feeling really poorly.  No pubes would be produced.  Deflated, I promptly went upstairs and went to sleep for the rest of the day.  The husband told me I was restricted to bed rest so no party for me, however we compromised that I could drop the cake off.  We trundled off to the restaurant where I stayed to say "surprise" and "look what I made you!" and also to realise that my friend's parents were also at the party.  So yes, I'm the girl that presented a penis cake to my friend's parents.

The feedback from M was great though.  I hear it prompted a lot of laughter (including the parents) and nearly all of it was eaten.  Score!!  As a final point, it must be said that if you ever decide to make a penis cake try and transport it in something that isn't see through.  I just covered the cake in cling film and then felt like a massive weirdo walking into a very nice restaurant with what looked like an enormous penis on a plate.